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Monday, May 20, 2013

Are You Living in Two Worlds?

Before I transitioned, I used to try to be both who I was and who I wasn't. To most of the outer world, I was female, while in my secret, inner world I was male. I let very few people into that inner world because I was afraid of the truth of who I was. For me, my journey is about integration--about merging the two very different worlds I used to live in into one cohesive world.

Even though you may not be transgender, chances are that in some way, you've been living in two worlds too. You may be hiding your ability to do certain things, some of your interests, some of your likes and dislikes. Some of the ways people split their world in two are:

  • Pretending to agree with what others say or do even though they actually find it offensive. Sometimes people laugh at off-color jokes or try to "go along to get along" with behavior they don't like.
  • Hiding their ability to succeed. Sometimes people don't do their best because they don't want others to be jealous or hateful.
  • Expressing only certain emotions. Sometimes people act like they're happy all the time when they're not happy at all. Or else lash out in anger but underneath, want to connect with people in a more positive manner.

Whenever you inhabit two separate worlds at once, in some ways you sabotage yourself so that people don't see the "real" you that you think is unacceptable for some reason. The way out is to practice self-acceptance. When you feel like something about you is no good or that you can't trust others to share it, ask yourself why. Then, breathe deeply into the tension you feel around the issue. As you breathe, whisper to yourself, "Accept."

Finally, take some risks. Push yourself to share more of your real self with others. It can be very scary to do so, and you may be nervous, but regardless of the outcome, it can be very liberating to do so.

In what ways do you live in two worlds? Share your thoughts in the comments below

If you would like to discuss the issues one-on-one in a confidential setting, please sign up for Rewrite Your Life Script.

Monday, May 13, 2013

How Have Your Experiences Helped You Become Who You're Meant to Be?

Sometimes it can seem like your "old" life script is all bad. You may be getting in your own way, acting out anger or just not be happy with the choices you made in your past. I've felt this way too and it's not a good way to feel. 

The thing is, though, that without some of those bad experiences or bad choices, we wouldn't be who we are. In my life, I've made some really negative choices based on pain. I moved across the country at 19, leaving all my friends and family behind, because I thought I was in love. I lived with, and suffered the consequences of, other people's drug addiction. I've wasted time, effort and money on one-sided relationships.

But because of all that, today I'm here ready to help you live a better life.

Sometimes I wonder how my life would have gone had I stayed at Syracuse University and not gone down some not-so-good-for-me paths. I can't say for sure, but I have a feeling I'd still be trying to be female, in a traditional job, maybe married with kids but depressed and not sure what was wrong or how to fix it. I really believe all of those painful mistakes I made helped forge me. I didn't know it during the long years of depression, poverty and failed relationships, but I was getting prepared to discover who I was and what I was supposed to do with my life.

If you're where I was--depressed, lonely, scared or out of control--and you'd like some help putting the pieces of your life together, please register for Rewrite Your Life Script. I'd be honored to help you find your way through the pain and discover your purpose.

The program starts in July. For now, ask yourself this:

How have my experiences helped me become who I am meant to be? 

If you'd like, share your thoughts in the comments section.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Are You Attracted to Heartache?

I used to feel like I was dating the same person over and over. All my relationships quickly transformed into nightmares full of fiery arguments, misunderstandings and me feeling invisible, unaccepted and unloved by my partner. I'd try to compensate by giving my partner money and other gifts; entangling our finances added another layer of complexity to an already unhealthy relationship. I didn't like the way my lovers treated me and worse, I didn't like who I seemed to become in these relationships.

When this sort of pattern occurs, it's easy to fall into a victim mentality and blame fate, the entire gender you're dating or humanity in general for your "bad luck." The truth is, though, that dating disasters aren't because of fate or bad luck or because men, women or people in general are evil. If you're dating the same not-so-good-for-you people over and over, then on some level you are creating that reality. This might sound like a bad thing--after all, nobody wants to continue experiencing heartbreak, so realizing you've been doing it to yourself can be depressing. It's actually good news, though, because if you have the power to create unhealthy relationships in your life, you also have the power to create the love you deserve.

If you've been continually attracting heartache, here's some things you can do to break the cycle:

  • Make a list of the problems you encountered in each of your last three relationships. Look for the common threads. For me, I tended to date people who were not financially independent and who were critical or sarcastic. These tendencies gave me some clues as to the limiting beliefs that were informing my dating life.
  • Take a break from dating. If you're caught up in a cycle of bad dating experiences, you need to stop dating for a while so you can get to know and love yourself again. While you are refraining, notice the type of people you are attracted to. See if you can figure out what about them you find attractive.
  • Make a list of your values. Many people make the mistake of dating people who do not share their values, and this can lead to disappointment or conflict. Take some time to figure out what is really important to you so you can begin manifesting a partner who shares those values.
  • Create some affirmations around deserving love. Relationship issues often stem from a lack of self-love. Begin focusing on accepting and loving yourself so you can attract people who value your real self.
If you want real love in your life and never seem to find it, changing your core beliefs about yourself and the type of love you deserve can help. Register for Rewrite Your Life Script today and see what a difference a month can make.